Exercise 1: Openers
1) June 2006, Australia. Jon brings her daughter out to play with the snow. His daughter nudge his stomach and asks, “Daddy, why are the snowing melting? Winter just started…” He turns to his daughter and exhales out deeply; and looks back up into sky.
2) He quickly pulls his family into the underground tunnel. But his son, david was reclutant to leave. He quickly breaks free from his father’s hand and runs outside. The father then makes a quick dash and carries him away. David then screams in anger “I don’t wanna squeeze with these people! And I want to get my dog back!!!”. Besides that scream, these civilians in Iraq can only hear the sirens, for now.
3) “I call upon anyone of you, seating in this room. Anyone of you who dares to take up this challenge, to save private jacky!”
4) Janice runs across the viewing room, as if trying to chase the airplane; she then shouts “OH PLEASE DON’T LEAVE!.. PLEASE!…No…!” Our family could do nothing, but to watch her as she cries in distress.
5) He squeezes his wife’s photo frame tightly and shouts in agony, “Oh god… WHY!?… WHY!!!”
6) As the sun begins to set and align with the horizon, Bernet jerks his girlfriend’s hand and pulls out a red box. He smiles at his girlfriend and opens it. He begins to kneels down and asks, “Will you marry me?”
7) What are Singaporeans becoming of today? Digging nose in the public library? An inconsiderate human begin that pretends to sleep despite being aware of the pregnant lady standing right infront?
8 ) Friday the thirteen is my lucky day. It’s also the day that my whole family got killed.
9) “Dogs are Men’s best friend”. How true is this sentence? With about two thousand, seven hundred and seven dogs being abandoned each year, that phrase is nothing more than a myth to me.
10) “My mom told me never to play with fire, but i didnt listen. All i can say to you mummy, is that im sorry for making you cry… I didnt mean too…”
11) “Taking revenge for what he did to me? I will.”
12) Technology, does it do us more harm, or benefit us?
6) As the sun begins to set and align with the horizon, Bernet jerks his girlfriend’s hand and pulls out a red box. He smiles at his girlfriend and opens it. He begins to kneel down and asks, “Will you marry me?”
Gloria gasps and her onyx almond shaped eyes look at Bernet with astonishment. “Why, I didn’t expect this! Of course I will, yes!” She kneels down, wraps her arms around Bernet and hugs him tightly. Bernet breaks away from Gloria and gently removes the beautiful ring from it’s box. He takes Gloria’s hand and puts it on her finger, the ring fitting her perfectly.
It is Bernet and Gloria’s wedding day. The sky is a bright blue with paintings of white clouds across it. The birds seem to chirp even more happily and the trees a wonderful shade of green. White covered chairs decorated with floral decorations of pink and purple stand out on green grass. Men are dressed smartly in suits and a tie, women looking their very best in elegant dresses and high heels, all seated and mingling, waiting for the entrance of the bride.
“Are you ready?” Gloria’s mum asks her, gently tugging on the veil and draping it over Gloria’s face. “Oh mum, I’m going to miss you! Thanks for being her with me, I think I would’ve had a nervous breakdown not knowing what to do!” Gloria envelopes her mother into her arms. Her mum smiles like the sun, tears of joy forming in her almond shaped eyes. “You look beautiful!”, she says.
The band starts playing Pachelbel’s Canon in D and the bridesmaids with the flower girl start walking the spotless white carpet one by one, laid in the middle as an aisle. The flower girl scatters flower petals on the carpet, Gloria gracing the aisle, a fresh bouquet of flowers in pink and purple in her gloved hands. Canon in D fades and Wedding March plays, the guests all stand and turn to look at the bride and father. Gloria looks at her father in adoration, and whispers, “I love you, Dad.” Gloria’s father whispers back, “I’m so proud of you.”
As they reach the altar, Gloria’s father gives his daughter’s hand to the groom. Bernet gives his father-in-law to be a hug, as if thanking him for letting him marry his daughter. The priest begins the ceremony and the couple exchange vows and wedding rings. Bernet then lifts the veil of his newly wedded wife and kisses her on the cheek. Gloria beams at Bernet as the guests clap and cheer, congratulating the couple. Gloria then tosses her bouquet and the new husband and wife speed off to their honeymoon.
Before they head towards the airport, Gloria asks Bernet to drive them someplace else first. Getting out of the car, Gloria and Bernet walk hand in hand as they welcome the sunset, letting it know how happy they are. Gloria kisses Bernet on the cheek and sighs in satisfaction, both of them admiring the orange sky. “This will always be our special place.”
You tried a bit too hard to innovate in this assignment, and it ends up making you look disorganized. Sentence 4 doesn’t maintain the 3rd person, while sentences 9-12 have no narrative thrust. The first sentence feels like an entire story rather than an opener. I enjoy watching you experiment creatively, but always keep the parameters of the assignment in mind as you work.