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Exercise 3: 50 word stories

The Murder:
“This is the final blow, I can’t take it anymore. He will not preclude me; tonight is the night, his blood will shed, his family will scream in pain. It will be vivid scene, before he could perceive our guns, he would be dead.” “Lock and load boys, let’s go.”

Soccer Match:
Loud cheers and jeers would be heard from the myriad amount of spectators as Johnny’s team walked out from the holding room. The match is starting soon, both teams cheer exuberantly to boost their morale. Johnny then gathers his team and says,
“Tonight is our game! We shall win this!”

Graduation Day:
Today is the last day I’ll ever attend classroom lessons again. For the first time, my classroom is quiet. As my monitor walks out to address us, my classmates stares blankly into space, tears starts to fill our eyes. My form teacher then walks in, and joins in our solemness.

Singaporeans:

“Singaporeans are becoming more uncivilized. They pretend not to see an old lady in front of them, and continue sleeping. Some of them even blast their music old loud in public places!” My mom said. “But you are a Singaporean yourself!” I said. “Nope, I’m a civilized and unique Singaporean”

Death Match:

Little Johnny pulls out his gun, and fires many rounds at his opponent. He hits; blood can be seen gushing out from his wounds. Johnny quickly hides among the terrain and slowly creeps up to his enemy. Pulls out his gun, “BANG! BANG!” Johnny head is seen flying away instead.

10 comments

  1. Author: JJ
    Title: The Murder
    What it’s about: A group of guys seeking for revenge tonight.
    What works: The vivid conversation. Readers can feel the hatred towards his enemy.
    Room for improvement: JJ should describe more on the storyline. It is abit unclear.


  2. Author: JunJie
    Title: The Murder
    What it’s about: A murder that is going to take place. More than one involved. Planned murder.
    What works: Able to sense the strong hatred between the murderer and the to-be-victim. The whole family is going to be killed-cruelty.
    Room for Improvement: Don’t really understand the dialogue.


  3. Author: JunJie
    Title: The Murder
    What it’s about: A battle cry from a man in vengeance.
    What works: Reminds me of epical war film dialogues.
    Room of improvements: It started out like a Lord of the Rings/300 feel. But it became The Good, the Bad and the Ugly cowboy film with the guns. Choices of words like ‘shed’ could’ve been blood ‘spill’. A murder? Seems more like a massacre.


  4. The Murder

    Overall I can tell that it’s a group of people going to murder someone’s family because they are unhappy about him. However, the structure of the story was a bit weird.


  5. Author: JJ
    Title: The Murder
    What it’s about: A group of people gang up to kill someone.
    What works: I can feel the emotions of the character by his speech.
    Room for improvement: I don’t really understand why the main character wants to kill “him” and I wonder who the main character’s enemy is.


  6. Author: Jun Jie
    Title: The Murder
    What it’s about: people preparing for a murder.
    What works: we can sense the fear in the statements as we imagine the kind of death that the victim is going to face. The use of dialogue makes it ore personal, and it seems as if we are there ourselves.
    Room for improvement: we don’t know who the murderers are and who is the victim. We also wonder why is the entire family involved. Perhaps there is too many doubts in the story.


  7. TITLE: THE MURDER
    AUTHOR: JUN JIE
    ABOUT: Revenge by a group of people on an enemy
    What works: Able to feel th e emotion of the character
    Improvement: It seems like they are two people talking in the story when it is suppose to be one


  8. I think this group summed up my opinions succintly.


  9. Author: Jun Jie

    Title: The Murder

    What it’s about: Tells of a group setting out to massacre a rival’s family.

    What works: Even though we do not know much about the character. His intentions and the anger that drives those intentions are well portrayed.

    Room for Improvement: The story gives the impression that there is more to come, feeling as if it is not yet complete.


  10. Jun Jie’s ‘The Murder’

    What’s it about?
    A guy, who is pushed over the limits, is planning on a murder on the perpetrator, with a group of friends.

    What works?
    The author manages to express the guy’s feelings through a dialogue. What’s more important is that the author actually succeeded in telling a story through one single dialogue. Thumbs up!

    Room for improvement
    Perhaps, the author should have used the ‘exclamation mark’ (!) in his dialogues. That way, we’ll be able to perceive the character’s feelings better.



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